The Boarding Group That's Never Mine
The Boarding Group That's Never Mine
I stand at the same spot by the gate every time, close enough to the podium to hear the number called, far enough back that I am not technically crowding anyone. Group one goes. Group two goes. The young guy in front of me with the branded suitcase and the status he mentions twice gets called in group three, and I watch him roll away toward the jet bridge while I check my phone for a boarding pass that still says group seven. I fly maybe six times a year. I have never once been called before group five. I know the number before I even look anymore, and somehow knowing it ahead of time has never once made the twenty minutes of standing there easier.
I used to think impatience was a minor flaw, the kind of thing you joke about at Thanksgiving. Eight years sober has taught me otherwise. The man I used to be could not sit still for anything, not a red light, not a waiting room, not a sentence someone else was still in the middle of finishing. I filled every gap with something, a drink, a scroll, a tapping foot, because an empty minute with nothing happening in it felt like a minute I was losing. I thought I had worked through most of that. Standing at an actual gate, watching five groups of strangers walk past me toward a seat I will also eventually get, I find out the old wiring is still live. It just moved from the bar to the boarding line.
Scripture does not treat waiting as a side issue for people who happen to struggle with it. It treats waiting as one of the main places faith actually gets tested. David wrote it as a command to his own restless heart, not a suggestion. "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass" (Psalm 37:7, NKJV). I read that and realize the man with the branded suitcase was never actually my problem. My fretting over his group number was. David is not telling me the other guy's early boarding is unfair. He is telling me where to put my eyes while I wait, and it is not on his pace.
Isaiah makes a promise about waiting that sounds almost backward, strength that comes from the waiting itself rather than from the thing finally arriving. "But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint" (Isaiah 40:31, NKJV). I always read that as being about the flying part, the reward at the end. Lately I notice the renewing happens in the waiting, not after it. The strength is not what you get once you finally board. It is what gets built in you standing at the gate.
Jeremiah's scribe wrote something even quieter from the middle of genuine devastation, a city in ruins, nothing to show for the wait but more wait. "The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly For the salvation of the Lord" (Lamentations 3:25-26, NKJV). Wait quietly. Not wait cheerfully, not wait while pretending the wait does not bother you. Quietly, the way I have never once waited at a boarding gate in my life.
Here is where my own reasoning has never gotten me anywhere useful. I can remind myself that twenty minutes is nothing, that I will be on the same airplane as everyone else within the hour, that the overhead bin space rarely even runs out. The math is sound and it has never once calmed the actual itch in my chest while I stand there, because patience was never going to arrive through a better argument. James names it as something to be grown, not argued into existence. "Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain. You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand" (James 5:7-8, NKJV). A farmer cannot reason a seed into growing faster. He can only wait in a way that is itself a kind of trust.
This is what abiding in the Spirit gives that my own self-talk never could, patience that is not manufactured but grown, fruit rather than effort. Paul lists it plainly among what the Spirit produces when I am actually walking with Him instead of managing myself. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law" (Galatians 5:22-23, NKJV). Longsuffering is not a personality trait some people are born with. It is fruit, which means it grows on a branch connected to something, and I am not that something. Paul tells the Romans what the waiting is actually for, hope in what is not yet visible, carried with a perseverance that does not come from my own patience reserves running deep enough. "But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance" (Romans 8:25, NKJV). That perseverance has never once come from gritting my teeth harder. It comes from staying connected to Him while the number on the screen still says group seven.
They called my group about ten minutes ago. I did not notice right away, because for the first time in longer than I can remember, I was not watching the podium. God is alive this afternoon, and He already knows exactly which line you are standing in, counting the groups ahead of you and losing peace over every one of them. He has a plan for you that was never contingent on you boarding first, and He has told you Himself that He will never leave you standing there alone while you wait for what is His to call.
Scriptures used (NKJV): Psalm 37:7; Isaiah 40:31; Lamentations 3:25-26; James 5:7-8; Galatians 5:22-23; Romans 8:25.
I stand at the same spot by the gate every time, close enough to the podium to hear the number called, far enough back that I am not technically crowding anyone. Group one goes. Group two goes. The young guy in front of me with the branded suitcase and the status he mentions twice gets called in group three, and I watch him roll away toward the jet bridge while I check my phone for a boarding pass that still says group seven. I fly maybe six times a year. I have never once been called before group five. I know the number before I even look anymore, and somehow knowing it ahead of time has never once made the twenty minutes of standing there easier.
I used to think impatience was a minor flaw, the kind of thing you joke about at Thanksgiving. Eight years sober has taught me otherwise. The man I used to be could not sit still for anything, not a red light, not a waiting room, not a sentence someone else was still in the middle of finishing. I filled every gap with something, a drink, a scroll, a tapping foot, because an empty minute with nothing happening in it felt like a minute I was losing. I thought I had worked through most of that. Standing at an actual gate, watching five groups of strangers walk past me toward a seat I will also eventually get, I find out the old wiring is still live. It just moved from the bar to the boarding line.
Scripture does not treat waiting as a side issue for people who happen to struggle with it. It treats waiting as one of the main places faith actually gets tested. David wrote it as a command to his own restless heart, not a suggestion. "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass" (Psalm 37:7, NKJV). I read that and realize the man with the branded suitcase was never actually my problem. My fretting over his group number was. David is not telling me the other guy's early boarding is unfair. He is telling me where to put my eyes while I wait, and it is not on his pace.
Isaiah makes a promise about waiting that sounds almost backward, strength that comes from the waiting itself rather than from the thing finally arriving. "But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint" (Isaiah 40:31, NKJV). I always read that as being about the flying part, the reward at the end. Lately I notice the renewing happens in the waiting, not after it. The strength is not what you get once you finally board. It is what gets built in you standing at the gate.
Jeremiah's scribe wrote something even quieter from the middle of genuine devastation, a city in ruins, nothing to show for the wait but more wait. "The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly For the salvation of the Lord" (Lamentations 3:25-26, NKJV). Wait quietly. Not wait cheerfully, not wait while pretending the wait does not bother you. Quietly, the way I have never once waited at a boarding gate in my life.
Here is where my own reasoning has never gotten me anywhere useful. I can remind myself that twenty minutes is nothing, that I will be on the same airplane as everyone else within the hour, that the overhead bin space rarely even runs out. The math is sound and it has never once calmed the actual itch in my chest while I stand there, because patience was never going to arrive through a better argument. James names it as something to be grown, not argued into existence. "Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain. You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand" (James 5:7-8, NKJV). A farmer cannot reason a seed into growing faster. He can only wait in a way that is itself a kind of trust.
This is what abiding in the Spirit gives that my own self-talk never could, patience that is not manufactured but grown, fruit rather than effort. Paul lists it plainly among what the Spirit produces when I am actually walking with Him instead of managing myself. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law" (Galatians 5:22-23, NKJV). Longsuffering is not a personality trait some people are born with. It is fruit, which means it grows on a branch connected to something, and I am not that something. Paul tells the Romans what the waiting is actually for, hope in what is not yet visible, carried with a perseverance that does not come from my own patience reserves running deep enough. "But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance" (Romans 8:25, NKJV). That perseverance has never once come from gritting my teeth harder. It comes from staying connected to Him while the number on the screen still says group seven.
They called my group about ten minutes ago. I did not notice right away, because for the first time in longer than I can remember, I was not watching the podium. God is alive this afternoon, and He already knows exactly which line you are standing in, counting the groups ahead of you and losing peace over every one of them. He has a plan for you that was never contingent on you boarding first, and He has told you Himself that He will never leave you standing there alone while you wait for what is His to call.
Scriptures used (NKJV): Psalm 37:7; Isaiah 40:31; Lamentations 3:25-26; James 5:7-8; Galatians 5:22-23; Romans 8:25.
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