The Message Request I Haven't Opened From a Woman I Used to Love RedeemedExistence daily devotional, November 4, 2026 It has been sitting in my message requests for six days now, a little red number I can see without even unlocking my phone. A name I have not spoken out loud in almost thirty years. We were together before I was anybody's husband or father, back when I was still drinking myself toward the bottom I eventually hit, and whatever we were to each other then ended badly and far too young to have ended any other way. I do not know what is inside that message. I only know that some nights, lying awake next to my wife of twenty-two years, I catch myself imagining what it might say, and I notice how much of my imagination I have spent on a woman I have not seen since before my children were born. I want to be honest about what this is, because dressing it up as mere curiosity would be a lie I am too old and too sober to keep telling myself. This is tempta...

The Blank Line on My Grandson's Confirmation Card Where I Was Supposed to Write What I Believe RedeemedExistence daily devotional — November 4, 2026 My grandson's confirmation is in ten days, and the sponsor card the church handed me has one line near the bottom that asks me, in my own handwriting, to tell him what I believe. Not what the catechism says. What I believe. I have carried that card in my jacket pocket for six days now, and every time I pull it out at the kitchen table with a pen in hand, I freeze on that line the same way I used to freeze outside a meeting room door, not sure I belonged on either side of it. I have been sober nineteen years. I have read my Bible every morning for most of them. And still, sitting there with a twelve-year-old's trust riding on my answer, some old voice in the back of my head asks whether I actually believe any of it the way a man is supposed to, or whether I have just gotten good at saying the words. That is doub...

The Fishing Cooler I Packed the Night Before My Son Canceled RedeemedExistence daily devotional, November 4, 2026 I had the cooler packed by nine the night before, sandwiches already made and wrapped in the fridge, two new lures still in their plastic because I wanted my son to be the one to cut them free. We had talked about this trip for three weeks, a Saturday on the lake just the two of us, no wives, no phones, nothing but the boat and whatever we pulled up out of the water. At six the next morning my phone buzzed on the nightstand. His sitter had called out sick, his wife had an early shift, and there was no version of the day that still had room for me in it. I told him it was fine. I meant it, mostly. Then I stood in the kitchen looking at a cooler full of sandwiches nobody was going to eat on a lake nobody was going to see, and felt something sag in my chest that surprised me with how heavy it was for something so small. I am sixteen years sober, and I used to ...

My phone buzzed hard enough against the nightstand to wake me before I understood why, and when I squinted at the screen it was a breaking news alert, another flashpoint overseas, troops moving, markets already reacting in some other time zone where it was already daylight. I lay there in the dark reading the first few lines twice, and something old in my chest woke up faster than my mind did. Before I had prayed a single word about it, I was already doing the thing I have done my whole life when the world tilts even slightly, running the worst version forward. What does this mean for my son's deployment orders. What does this do to the accounts I just rolled into retirement. How many more alerts like this one before something actually touches the street I live on. I got four hours of broken sleep after that and woke up still carrying it, the particular heaviness of anxiety that has nothing specific in front of it yet and still manages to sit on your chest like something specif...

The Energy Drink Can I Crushed Before My Shift Even Started RedeemedExistence daily devotional, November 3, 2026 I crushed the can in the parking lot before I even clocked in, and I remember standing there a second too long, staring at the dented aluminum in my hand and feeling nothing like the jolt the can had promised. I had already had two cups of coffee at home, a third in the truck, and this can on top of it, and none of it had touched the tiredness underneath. That kind of tired does not come from one bad night. It comes from stacking twelve-hour shifts on top of a sick wife's appointments, on top of a lawn that needs mowing, on top of a sponsee who calls at eleven and a grandson's game at six, until there is no bottom layer left that is actually rest. I used to think exhaustion was a problem of scheduling. Standing in that parking lot, I finally admitted it had become a problem of my soul. I spent the first part of my life running myself into the ground on purpos...

The Prayer List Index Card I've Carried in My Bible for Six Years There is a three by five index card tucked into the book of Psalms in my Bible, soft at the corners now, with one name written on it in pen that has faded to almost nothing. I wrote that name six years ago, kneeling beside my bed the night I finally got honest with God about a nephew I love who was, and still is, running from every good thing anyone has ever offered him. I have prayed over that card more mornings than I have missed, and watched the ink fade while the situation itself has barely moved an inch. Somewhere around year four, I stopped expecting an answer and started just going through the motions, the way a man keeps paying on a debt he has quietly decided will never be forgiven. I spent the first half of my life running from God entirely, certain I knew better, and I did not come back to Him through some tidy, confident faith. I came back broken and desperate, and for years the desperation itself f...

The Freight Train That Stopped Dead Across Melrose Avenue While I Was Already Running Late RedeemedExistence daily devotional, November 2, 2026 I was eleven minutes behind schedule when the crossing arms came down anyway, bell clanging like it had chosen this exact morning to ruin mine. Then the train did the one thing a freight train can do that a car in traffic cannot. It stopped. Dead still, halfway through the crossing, boxcars stretching both directions with no end in sight. I had a dentist appointment already rescheduled once, and I sat there watching the clock add minutes I did not have, drumming the wheel hard enough that my knuckles ached before I noticed I was doing it. I am nineteen years sober, and there was a season when a stopped train would not have bothered me, mostly because I was rarely sober enough to be anywhere on time in the first place. Getting my life back meant getting serious about showing up, and I built a good chunk of my recovery around keeping my w...