The cultural narrative around marriage often centers on feelings—being "in love," feeling "butterflies," or maintaining the emotional spark. While these feelings are beautiful gifts within marriage, Scripture points to a deeper, more enduring foundation: the deliberate choice to love as Christ loves. Two Different Kinds of Love Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 don't command husbands to feel emotionally connected to their wives at all times—an impossible standard. Instead, they call for agape love—the sacrificial, action-oriented love that Christ demonstrated. This biblical love operates on a different plane than emotional love: Emotional love responds to worthiness, reciprocation, and circumstances. It flourishes when needs are met and withers when wounded. Biblical love flows from commitment and character rather than feelings. It's demonstrated most powerfully not when it's easy, but when it's difficult. The Crucial Importance of Choice-Bas...

Loving someone who has wounded us deeply—through broken trust, lies, cheating, and deceit—represents one of the greatest challenges to our faith. When their behavior continues through undermining, demeaning, and disrespecting us, the call to reflect Christ can seem not just difficult but impossible. Yet this crucible is precisely where our faith is refined and where Christ's power in us becomes most evident. Recognizing Our Common Humanity The starting point for aligning our hearts with Christ's is acknowledging what Romans 3:23 makes clear: "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." This universal reality doesn't excuse harmful behavior, but it places it in the context of our shared brokenness. When I find myself developing a superiority complex toward someone who has hurt me, I must remember Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 15:10: "But by the grace of God I am what I am." Without God's intervention, any of us is capable of the sa...

There's something profoundly troubling about being forgiven but not forgotten. We've all experienced that moment when someone says, "I forgive you," yet their eyes betray the lingering memory of our offense. The words ring hollow because both parties know that while forgiveness has been granted, the transgression remains permanently archived in memory, available for retrieval at any moment of future conflict. This human version of forgiveness—necessary yet incomplete—stands in stark contrast to the radical forgiveness God extends to His children. The Miracle of Divine Amnesia Throughout Scripture, God makes an astonishing promise that goes beyond mere forgiveness. In Isaiah 43:25, He declares, "I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins." This isn't God simply choosing not to mention our past failures—it's a supernatural act of divine amnesia. Jeremiah 31:34 echoes this promise: "For I wil...

The most challenging test of our Christian walk often occurs within the walls of our own home. When a spouse struggles with mental health issues—whether anxiety, depression, personality disorders, or other conditions—our flesh cries out for self-protection. The natural response to being criticized, misunderstood, or emotionally wounded is to build walls, harbor resentment, or even develop hatred. I've witnessed many husbands silently struggling with this very battle. The man who publicly professes Christ on Sunday morning might privately wrestle with intense anger by Sunday night when his wife's illness manifests as accusations, criticism, or emotional distance. This internal conflict creates profound spiritual tension: How can I love someone who hurts me so deeply? How do I honor marriage vows when the relationship bears little resemblance to what I promised? The War Between Flesh and Spirit Scripture speaks directly to this conflict. Paul writes in Galatians 5:17, "Fo...

I understand the immense challenge you're facing right now. I've walked with many husbands through similar valleys, where their wife's mental health struggles manifest as harsh words directed at them. When the person who once spoke vows of love now speaks words that cut deep, the call to reflect Christ can feel not just difficult, but nearly impossible. I've seen the exhaustion in their eyes—waking each day never knowing which version of their wife they'll encounter. The unpredictability is draining. The criticism wears on the soul. The public face versus the private reality creates a loneliness few understand. In moments of raw honesty, many have confessed: How long can I keep this up? Is this what God really expects of me? I recognize you're trying to understand where her words are coming from—illness, pain, or something beyond her control. I see you struggling to respond with grace when every human instinct calls for self-defense. The confusion of loving so...

Walking in Newness: A Reflection on Colossians 3 Colossians 3 presents one of the most practical and transformative passages in Paul's letters. The chapter begins with a powerful premise: if we have been raised with Christ, we should set our hearts and minds on things above. This heavenly perspective serves as the foundation for everything that follows. The chapter divides naturally into two parts. First, Paul calls believers to "put to death" the earthly nature (verses 5-11), listing specific sins to avoid. Then, he instructs them to "put on" virtues befitting their new identity in Christ (verses 12-17). What makes this passage so compelling is how Paul grounds ethical behavior not in arbitrary rules but in our union with Christ. We don't avoid sin just because it's wrong, but because we've died to sin and been raised to new life. Likewise, we don't pursue virtues merely because they're good, but because they reflect our true identity as God...

When someone struggles with a personality disorder that affects their capacity for empathy, their children often bear a heavy burden. While this behavior is never justified, understanding its roots can help us respond with both wisdom and compassion. How Mental Health Issues May Manifest as Harmful Parenting A parent with empathy deficits and inconsistent accountability may hurt their children in several ways: Emotional unpredictability  creates an environment where children never know which version of their parent they'll encounter - the apologetic one or the blaming one. This inconsistency damages a child's sense of security and trust. Difficulty recognizing a child's emotional needs  means the parent may dismiss or minimize their child's feelings, leaving them feeling invalidated and unseen. Projection of personal pain  can cause the parent to blame children for problems or view normal childhood behavior as personal attacks, responding with disproportionate anger or ...